Like many people I have had a few contracts during this lifetime.
One of the main ones was to do with breaking a very long cycle concerning my mother and her ancestors.
When I was a child I had a very strong feeling that it was my job to wake up my mother as to how her mother was treating her…. because my grandmother treated my mother in such a bullying way my own mother had created the role of victim and martyr for herself.
I recall one time when I was about 14 years old. We were staying close by to my grandmother and she was moaning and moaning about how dirty her place was .. but ..because her eyesight was so bad she could not clean it properly. She kept on and on about this and my mother felt that , even though she was on holiday, she should go and clean her mother’s house.
I was furious. I could see through my Grandmother and would often tell her so .. we had a great relationship because I would stand up to her … and she rather liked that.
Anyway … this particular time my mother was also newly pregnant and I thought that it was monstrously unfair that she felt that she had to go and clean this woman’s house.
I tried to lock my mother inside to keep her from going … but she managed to slip out and went to clean my grandmother’s house.
I remember being so upset and disappointed that my mother had not stood up to my grandmother and simply said – No… but it was more than this .. I somehow felt that it was partly my job to help her.
A similar pattern emerged with my own mother , me and my daughter.
When we were out in New Zealand my mother started off behaving rather well but then began to go back to old patterns and I too took on the role of victim. My daughter had not seen this before.
I recall on my birthday my mother rang me to say that she had forgotten it was my birthday….and then had seen the date on the morning newspaper. She then went on to say that she had sent my brother a present … my brother has the same birthday as me.
When I got off the phone I told my daughter about it.
My daughter simply said ` But she is your mother’ … and that was it.
I rang my mother back and really laid into her … and got out a lot of how I felt about her.
My daughter was practically jumping around the room for joy.
I looked at her .. and I remembered .. and I realised…. She had that same contract with me. .. to break the pattern.
A while ago AA Michael showed me a vision of what happens when we break family patterns. We release not only ourselves but all of the ancestors involved …stretching back and back and back … it is a beautiful thing to see.
Anyway … this letting go which I am experiencing with my daughter is also connected to this.
My mother has never been able to let me go. We have had this dance of me going away … me coming back … me deciding to go away again ..and my mother not speaking to me .. for sometimes years ….
The last time I was out in New Zealand and was getting ready to leave to come back to the UK… I said to her `We don’t have to do this’ ..and for a split second she woke up … and it looked like the pattern might’ve been broken … but then the same thing happened again .. as it always has done.
The difference this time was that at that stage ( September 2009) there was a change in the energies and I knew at that moment that our contracts were over … obsolete.
At that moment I waved goodbye to my birth family … they had all decided to stay asleep … to not break any patterns in this lifetime .. and that was their choice.
The deep sadness I feel about NZ, I feel, is linked with those contracts I had with others in Lemuria … who also decided not to take their part in them… and I left.
As Inelia says in her post:
This sadness, deep sorrow, I felt it once before. A few weeks back I was in touch with the consciousness of the Lemurian collective. And that was what they expressed. At the time I understood that back in Earth history a splitting had happened and that the sadness the Lemurians felt was from leaving their brethren behind, all those humans that did not awaken.